Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Lovely..

Everything is perfect...Things have been better..My life, getting better.
When I gave her the friendster comments, suddenly she online in msn, told me that she will remember 28th May, my mum's birthday. and with this smile " :) "
When she's back, I'm sooo happy to see her, to able to talk to her again.
It's been quite "Long" we didn't contact each other.
When I said, I miss her very much, she said, Aww, thats swit of you..
At last, she said the phrase "That's sweet of you".
Cause, the last she said that, it's like, last 3-5 months ago.
Till now, she did say that again. I really miss the 'Sweet Days"

Now, I getting along with her mum, her mum even treat me like Anak Angkat..But, asal tanak anggap me macam Anak Menantu skali? Kan baik? :p haha. juz kidding juz kidding..lols

She even bought my mum a birthday present.

Today is my mum's birthday. Suhana supposed to come to my house to celebrate along, but the bad news was she just discharged from hospital today ealier, she got in yesterday night..

Haish, last min sickness. What telah happen? So eager to celebrate sampai jatuh Demam Panas ke pe...haha.

Anyway Suhana, get well soon ok? Eat your medicine daily. =)

Gone to her house just now, to give her the slices of cake to her family.

When I told her that I kirim this "Thing" is the b'day cake, her face reaction shocked. lols

Confirm in her mind says, Omg ahmad, tk sangke you bring the slices of cake for my family.

Haha. Think so arh. If it's true, then it means I know her feelings well? ^^

And at her house, sedare dier ader lerr...I kene bully ngan sedare dier..

Lagi2 si Ayun tu...Mcm tk suke mie je..Leh katekan mcm MENGHALAU mie seh...Haiyoh..

Ayun, Ayun...aku yg tk bersalah pun kene marah... -____-" hahaha

Anyways, im going off rite now, wanna eat my Japanese food and do my School Project.

Stupid Wires and Shoulderings..Making me SICK! heh.

I might off to bed damn late..maybe around 2-3am?

To finish up my project and maybe talk to her on the phone.

Rindu Suare dier uhhh...*Wink*

Tmr IFA Phase Test. Gah!

For Her:

Fate may bring us together

But time may drift us apart

No matter what happens

I'm always by your side

Without you in my life

I'm just nothing but a blank piece of paper

Hopefully we could be together

So we could move on together as One, Side by Side.

Well, this is my Mum's Birthday cake that I bought for her.

At Prima Deli, cost $39.90. Heh

¨°º¤ø„¸ ♠♣ ®Λz£® ♥♦ ¸„ø¤º°¨
9:23 PM

Friday, May 23, 2008

Amarath

Baptised with a perfect name
The doubting one by heart
Alone without himself

War between him and the day
Need someone to blame
In the end, little he can do alone

You believe but what you see?
You receive but what you give?

Caress the one
The never-fading rain in your heart
The tears of snow-white sorrow
Caress the one, the hiding Amaranth
In a land of the daybreak

Apart from the wandering pack
In this brief flight of time
We reach for the ones, whoever dare

You believe but what you see?
You receive but what you give?

Caress the one
The never-fading rain in your heart
The tears of snow-white sorrow
Caress the one, the hiding Amaranth
In a land of the daybreak

Reaching, searching for something untouched
Hearing voices of the never-fading calling

Caress the one
The never-fading rain in your heart
The tears of snow-white sorrow
Caress the one, the hiding Amaranth
In a land of the daybreak

¨°º¤ø„¸ ♠♣ ®Λz£® ♥♦ ¸„ø¤º°¨
9:19 AM

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Drifting apart..

Miserable...Lonelyness..
Why..since then..I'm feeling soo down..what's happenning to me..haish.
and why am i being so stupid..loving someone who didnt love me..
but, things were getting too complicated..
i wanna move on..but i cant..
its like, a feeling that drifting apart..drifting us apart..
i dun wanna miss a day before august..
will the promised be kept..?..
or isit juz a false one..?..

haiz..why must bad things happen..
why must false hope happenned..
why cant i juz love and being loved by someone..!?
or maybe..loving her is juz in my dreams..my fantasies..
in reality..nothing happens..juz..nothing..

Updated:
I guess...things went too complicated.

maybe I shouldnt give up that easily..

what if someone didnt love you, but we can juz put some faith, getting her heart each day..slowly
Sonner or later,

the person will gotten the feelings and maybe things will end up happily ever after.

so, once that done, we could juz move on. move on as one. face all circumstances together..

fight our love as one. not giving up with one another..

** To suhana: sick rite..? pls go and eat ur medicine daily.

dun be lazy or else ur sickness getting worst, like mine -_____-" begging u to take ur medicine. ^^ tc!**

¨°º¤ø„¸ ♠♣ ®Λz£® ♥♦ ¸„ø¤º°¨
8:13 PM

Monday, May 19, 2008

Secrets, Lies, Truths, Confessions..

No more Secrets..
No more Lies..
Just Truths,
Just Promises,
Just Confessions..

¨°º¤ø„¸ ♠♣ ®Λz£® ♥♦ ¸„ø¤º°¨
10:58 PM

Love Story Anime..

Haish..Yesterday night, watching one of this anime called Onegai Teacher! or also known as Please Teacher!

It only consists of 13 episodes yet there is sequence to it. I watched it last night, the whole night, from 12mn till 5am+

I watched the whole episodes, and I was really really touched by it.
An anime of Cheerful, saddness and also full of romantic parts..I watched it, I even cried a lot of times. Gosh.

How I wish I had this kind of romantic life.

Haiz..And wish she would be right beside me..side by side..

The only thing i could say is..i love her, i sincerely love her..

¨°º¤ø„¸ ♠♣ ®Λz£® ♥♦ ¸„ø¤º°¨
12:26 PM

Saturday, May 17, 2008

A Call At Last..

A Call At Last...

Haish.

At last, Suhana did called me yesterday night.

I really appriciated that she called me. 2 days I didn't heard her voice, it's like as though I missing someone for a quite a long time.

When yesterday she called me, my feelings were sooo relieved that I heard her voice, her sweet voice. But, sooner or later, things turned out a bit unstable..

We somehow quarrelled a while on the phone.

Cause first she asked me, "How come never sleep? Asal slalu tido lambat2? Huh? Nk ikot orang je tahu. Nanti sakit baru tahu."

Then I said larh, "Tk per larh, I memang nk tido lambat, and wanna talk to you. Lagipon I memang dah sakit pun.."

She asked me, "Sakit? Sakit ape? Gi larh makan ubat kalau ye pun."

Then I said, "Yer, I sakit, sakit hati, tk leh sembuh punye."

She said back, "Hmm, yelah. Sakit hati pasal Nana kan? Semue Nana larh kan. I memang slalu sakitkan hati orang kan..?"

Why the hell I said that in the first place. Stupid of me saying that to her. And yeah, I'm fucked up. -____-"

Then I told her I just saying like that gitu2 je, not seriously and it's not her fault, but she just keep on giving in, saying "It's ok, It's ok."

Then she said this, "See larh, I know larh I sape kan.. Everytime like this, maybe my fate slalu jadi macam gini."

Yah, I know she kept saying that she's ok, but deep in her heart, she's not ok. I'm the one at fault. I shoudn't said that in the first place. And why she said like that? Does other people do always blame her? Gosh, but I didn't, I didn't even meant to hurt her. I really apologised to her, but, haish, dunno larh..Then 1 thing she said "Love is Confused"

She said that because I asked her something bout her shoutout and emote. Then, she told me her ex called her. So, she really really happy about it. Then when I think back, the first thing that struck in my mind is about that dream, the bad one.

I try and asked her, "U kate ur ex called kan? Confirm he asked how are u then gitu2. Then after that he asked if whether U can patch up back with him or not. Because he waiting for you, saying this and that. Betol kan? That what he said?"

Then she replied me back, "A'ah. Macam maner U tahu seh?"

Then, I just kept quiet and didn't answer her question, but I talked to her again,

"Entah..I tahu je arh. Then pastu after he asked U to patch up, U really can't decide whether want or not. But who knows in the future U wanna patch up with him, ur feelings towards him getting stronger. And yeah, both of U became together."

The only thing she could say is, "Entah larrrhhh...Orang tk tahu ni. That's why I kate Love Is Confuse. Bingit larh...! Haiissshhh.."

I knew she was getting pissed off bout it. But I dunno larh!! Why I kept saying like this, cause I jealous??? Because I'm worried the bad dream came true???

Damn it larh if I'm like this..I really hate myself.

That's why we quarrelled, 2 reasons behind it. Because stupid of me saying all that kind of things. Making her hurt.

There's one dream I didn't told her, I just don't want to. The only thing I could say is, in that dream, her feelings really hurt badly by someone, not me.

I just wanna wait and see, if she did patched up with her ex, then something bad happen, that means my dream did came true...

Suhana, whatever happenned last night, I really really apologise bout it.

I didn't mean to say that. I'm just stressed up.

It's my fault larh, I'm putting too much hope on you. Maybe I shoudn't in the first place. I dunno why larh I put on too much hopes in the first place. Maybe cause for me, u're my type, just simple and sweet gal, pretty and beautiful, a loving, care and concern attitude and really forgiving for someone..

U're not like some other gals, nak step mane nye lawar sangat. Pompan-pompan yg tk sedar diri.

Perangai macam sial. Maki sane sini, cepat nak marah, blaming orang saje2..Tk tahu jage org nye perasaan..

For me, u just the perfect one. It's rare to find someone the same as u right now.

U were like an expensive and precious diamond, not easy to find one..

I got nothing else to say right now, although in my heart and mind there is, but I can't express it cause I'm deeply hurt.

And please, I'm hurt because of myself. Dun ever blame urself, u didn't do anything wrong.

U always been there for me, cheer me up, giving advice. I really really appriciated it..

I can afford to loose most of my friends and wealth,

but I can't afford to loose my family and someone special like you..

Please don't forget the special day of ur's, 31st of July.

We made a promised bout it.

* ILY, since the day I start being there for u *

* whatever happens, i'm not leaving u, cause i made a promised to u *

Questioning about the past..

Mahdi told me he got asked something at her sis;

"Kak, is it better if we patch up with our ex? Although dier dah sakit kan hati then satu hari nanti dier nak bersame lagi. Whether should accept atau tk?"

His sis told him, "Dah, jangan nk macam2. Lebih baik tinggalkan dier sudah. Kalau orang dah sakit kan hati kau, buat per kau nak bersame ngan dier lagi? Dah nanti bertambah sakit hati lagi. Tk gunekan macam gitu. Lebih baik cari orang lain, pasal mesti ader orang yang lebih baik daripade dier."

Mahdi told me he think back what his sis said, he agreed bout it. Even myself, if one of my ex asked to patch back, I'm not willing to. Cause all I want is cinta yg kekal hingga hidup kite tamat. If patch up, then gadoh2 lagi, sakit kan hati lagi, no point of being together again...

¨°º¤ø„¸ ♠♣ ®Λz£® ♥♦ ¸„ø¤º°¨
3:25 PM

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Continued of Untold Happennings

Continued from Untold Happennings

After all what happenned in the previous post, this time, my prayers were getting more and more.

Setiap malam, ku slalu doa kan Suhana supaye tiade pekare burok terjadi..

Kalau nk tahu, ini lah yg ku slalu doa kan untuk dier..

"Ya'allah Ya'tuhan ku, melindungi lah Suhana. Janganlah beri pekare burok terjadi kepade dier.

Maafkan lah dose-dose dier. Kuatkanlah Semangat dan Jiwe dier. Bukelah Hati dan Minde dier.

Tunjokkan lah perjalanan yg betol, yg lurus. Beri lah keluarge dier lebih rezeki. Aku tidak mahu kehilangan seseorang yg ku amat sayangi. Kerane ku amat cinte dan sayangi dier..."

One day, after I prayed like this, a "Dream" or vision came out again.

But this time, it happenned differently or apart from the previous one;

In the dream, or vision, I saw myself going out with her. Going out to cinema, watching movies, having lunch together, having fun and going to town. Sometimes coming by her house meeting her parents. Both me and Nana getting closer and closer. Likewise to say that in this dream, both of our hearts are together as one. We love, we hug, holding hands together. Then, our conversation began, she said,

"Ahmad, I'm glad to have u being with me rite now. For all those years, I found the right one for me. I sangat bahagie kerane bersame dengan u. My parents pun sukekan u. Ahmad, I really love you alot. Thank you for being there for me.."

I replied back,

"Na, I also glad that at last I'm able to be with u. I really appriciate to have someone like u in my life. Whatever happens, I always be there for u, I enjoy being with you every moment. I treasured u in my heart.. Harap-harap, cinte kite akan kekal selame-lamenye.. I love u too.."

After the conversation ends, I kissed her at her cheeks and both of us hug tightly...

As our life continued, I saw both of us really being together till we're a family.

I woke up from my dream and in my mind, I asked god again,

"Adakah ini akan terjadi kepade kite berdue? Adakah ini akan menjadi benar? Cinte ku akan berbalas? Ya'allah Ya' Tuhanku, terime kasih utk menunjukkan pekare ini. Ku harap, pekare ini akan menjadi kenyataan"

That's how the last few days ago in my dreams happenned.

But, most people and even my friend said, some dreams may be good, but in reality, it turned out the other way around. I not sure whether it's true or not.

But till now, those dreams that I had always been good. Nothing changes to bad.

I wanna tell her bout this dream but she didn't leave any call. So I got no choice but told the stories in my blog. Haish.

Right now, it's been 2 days and I didn't get any call from her. Hopefully nothing bad happen to her and hopefully the bad dream won't turn into reality.

On the 13th of May, Tuesday, she told me she would called back cause she wanna concerntrate wathching Ayat-Ayat Cinta in youtube.

But in the end, not even a single call on my handphone...

Missing you it's like Petals of Flowers being plucked out and blown away.

*To my fren Fadzillah, Get well soon. Eat ur medicine daily pls. dun be lazy*

¨°º¤ø„¸ ♠♣ ®Λz£® ♥♦ ¸„ø¤º°¨
5:39 PM

Untold Happennings

Gosh. Dreams were making my thought complicated. Should I called it a dream or a vision?? It's really hard to bare with it, and not sure which path am I going to;

Am I going to be apart with her?
Or

Am I gonna be with her till the rest of my life?

The first "Dream" or vision is really quite bad and saddening. Here how it goes.

As me and her talk in the phone as usual, a few mins later, she said,

"U I got something to tell you, I'm sorry if it really hurts u, and I should have tell u since last week."

I interrupted,

"I know what Nana nk ckp. U nk bilang I yg u dah attached kan? U diam2 attached with some guy?"

She continued,

"A'ah, I attached ngan dier diam2, tk bilang u. I want to be with him pasal he is acceptable for me and I felt that he mcm the rite one untuk me..Ahmad, I really really sorry kalau tk bilang, I didn't meant to hurt u.."

I replied,

"I dah agak, dah agak yg u already attached with someone. Tkpe larh, kalau gitu it's better for me not to call you more often, it's better for u to be closed with him rather than me. Pasal I tanak ganggu your relationship with him. All the best for your future relationship, semoge both of u bahagie. Take care and GoodBye"

Before she could say anything else, I straight away hung up my phone.

I not sure which guy that she attached with, looked like one of her ex that she patched back.

Or if I'm not wrong, some other new guy that she just getting along with.

Dalam mimpi tu, Suhana duduk di atas katil dier sambil bernangis-nangis tidak berhenti, semase tu Nana rase kesal, kecewe yang ape dier telah lakukan. She said something to herself,

"Ya'allah, kenape aku buat mcm gini. Betol ke ape yg ku pilih seseorang ni.

Ahmad, kenape u kate mcm gitu Ahmad, I tk sengaje buat mcm gini. Tolonglah jangan tinggalkan I. I betol-betol mintak maaf..."

Few moments later, I woke up from my dreams.

While I was awake, stream of saddenning tears runnning down my cheeks and my heart sank deeply. In my mind, I asked god,
"Ya'allah, kenape lah harus mimpi ku terjadi begini. Adakah ini dugaan yang aku akan didapati, atau engkau hendak memberitahu sesuatu? Janganlah beri pekare gini jadi kenyataan. Aku tidak mahu yang kite berdue berpisah seperti bergitu.."

Continued on the next post...

¨°º¤ø„¸ ♠♣ ®Λz£® ♥♦ ¸„ø¤º°¨
4:59 PM

Monday, May 12, 2008

Movie Day...

A Day in a Movie

Yeah. Today was the best day for me. We planned to go out on a "Date", lol, today. Planned it since last 2 days ago I think.. Me, Mahdi, Suhana and her Lil' Sis Sulaiha.

Thinking of watching Ayat-Ayat Cinta, but the planned cancelled last min. Haiyoh, cause dunno why..Haha, but I heard that Nana wanna go watch with her mum tomorrow. In the end, we watched Forbidden Kingdom, which me and mahdi already watched it. But then again, cause I watched in the internet, kinda no satisfaction for me, so better just go and watched in the cinema instead.

Hmm, on the way up to 7th floor, which is the cinema. Nana told us, 2 by 2. Her sis with mahdi, then me and....ahem, her. Saw mahdi reaction, muke terkejot seh. Haha, then her sis pulak, kecoh, tk boleh larh, just friends larh, gitu larh, gini larh. Eleh. Macam Paham!! Kuang3..

But for the 2 of us, well, kite cume tersengih-segih. Lol, what to say seh, she suddenly cakap gitu, then in my heart I was like, "Wah, tak sangke tibe2 cakap macam gitu, best jugak arh dpt duduk sebelah dier" :p

Bought a seating position of D 7-10, good view, more satisfaction and best of all, seat beside Suhana!! Kuang3..We asked Mahdi and Sulaiha to seat together, but dorang tanak. Sukehati dorang larh ehk. Haha. So it's like, Sulaiha seat at D7, Mahdi seat at D10, Fuyoh tk ader lagi jauh ke pe. Haha, then both of us seat at D8 and D9.

Ader popcorn, Nacho Cheese, Drinks. Nachos I willing to share with them. Langgar2 her arm, lol. At last kene "Marah", ''Ape langgar-langgar arh? Tk suke per." haha. of course arh, marah in a joking way.

Movie started, Suhana kadang2 terpekik, terkejot. She phobia of Violence, Killing, Blood. So whenever that happenned, she going to cry, scared, closed her eyes, she felt uneasy bout it. So I just calm her down whenever I could. Kesian pulak nampak dier macam gitu..

Movie ended, as per normal, go toilet, go home with them, planning to buy air batu and accompany them to go home. On the way to take bus, gurau2 with her, she slapped my arm, I ACT sakit2. haha, then pinched her back. lols. Having fun together. But sometimes, I stared at her eyes, her beautiful eyes, just don't know why.. But she noticed then started to giggle, sengih2, then at last, jeling at me. hah. I Jeling u back baru tahu. Confirm tk leh terangkat. :p

Overall, I enjoyed it, it's memorable to me, and wished both of us could go out more often. It's lovely and enjoyable going out with her, I really appriciate it and really meant alot for me..Well...thats all for the update..

¨°º¤ø„¸ ♠♣ ®Λz£® ♥♦ ¸„ø¤º°¨
11:06 PM

Friday, May 9, 2008

Dance Performance By Hirzi, my homie

Performance at the Forum, Hirzi is the one wearing yellow T, the taller guy. Great performance boy! haha. thats for the short update.!.!

¨°º¤ø„¸ ♠♣ ®Λz£® ♥♦ ¸„ø¤º°¨
10:31 AM

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Blog Opened Up, Days are Outnumbered, Time is Flying Away..

It's May. My gosh. I'm back, with full of things happenned here and there. Oncoming exam on June, again. Haiz, how many times will exam ends???

Right now I getting phobia of maths, the EES thingy. The Algebra now is known as "Boolean Algebra". New "Laws" again. New Fomula again. gah.

Like wth, I wanna be game producer or something, not trying to be a maths freak engineering. Haiyoh.

I'm suffering now, life are tougher than Secondary School Days..Haiz, wish I enjoyed it as much as I could, but I'm not okay..I misses lots of my friends, I misses my secondary subjects, I misses my old times.

What else am I gonna do right now????? What's my fate in the future, how I wish I could see it.

The Night that I could Never Forget..

Haiz. Well coudn't say every night. Probably once a week maybe? Surely I able to meet her.

Of course I meet her to buy something from her, and sometimes brought her a gift or so.

I can't believe that my hope actually didn't give up. My heart keep ongoing bout her.

As I looked into her eyes, came out a vision in my mind.

Vision of happiness, cheerful..happy endings.

If we are meant to be together, I really treasure her for all I care.

If there's any girls flirting with me, I would not tolerate or so.

Every week, managed to meet her, to see her whether she's fine or so.

Everyday managed to talk to her, have a conversation, laugh together. Have fun..

But when after meeting her, a sudden feeling of missing her. Rindu her.

It's like, rindu nye dah jumpe, abeh skejab gitu, dah nk pergi, rindu sepenuh hati..

But there's one question that might bother me, she did asked me before..

"What if you wait for someone that you love, but in the end she's not being with you"

My mind went blank, I can't even answer that. And can't even think anything else.

Itu ke dinamekan cinte tk berbalas?...

¨°º¤ø„¸ ♠♣ ®Λz£® ♥♦ ¸„ø¤º°¨
6:34 PM